Becoming the ‘Accidental Historian’
History can be a puzzle. And, sometimes you just can’t find that last piece.
Understanding history and my first real appreciation of the dynamics, wonders, mysteries and the shear blind luck that can shape it, became that lightbulb moment for me, to set me off on a journey.
I love travelling. And this type of time travel brings us to Conditions of an Era that we never experienced, or may be able to understand. This is kind of a cool concept, if you think about it this way.
But first, some background.
I never liked history class. I hated it. For, what they taught me in my days of schooling was so unrelatable to me (thus becoming boring) and seemingly only about memorizing dates, countries or civilizations that seemed so distant to who I was, an American, of Asian Heritage.
Add to this, I never liked English class and writing. While I did not hate it, I struggled, deeply. Proof of point? My SAT score was in the lower percentile (politely put). Again, when you read or learn stuff that doesn’t resonate with you, it is difficult to write, difficult to focus and difficult to care or relate. No disrespect to those Shakespeare plays I had to read.
Year 2017. A VERY Important and very Pivotal Year (for me) .
In 2017, when the OCA Advocates St. Louis (an AANHPI advocacy and civil rights group) wanted to celebrate my father’s centennial milestone, they asked me to make some remarks at their annual gala and capture a biography of him. You see, my father (and mother) played leadership roles in this organization, where my father helped organize and found the St. Louis Chapter in 1973, originally known as the Organization of Chinese Americans.
While I knew the historical “data” of my parent’s history through my parent’s memoire, I didn’t fully comprehend how their journey fit in with what was going on in their world. Upon research, I would grasp that their lives growing up in China (1917 to 1949), was a pretty horrible and uncomprehensible time period to live in, full of warlords, poverty and corruption, a dynasty losing its grip, Japanese occupation and WWII.
Not that this historical date was directly applicable to me, but once the historical dynamics are understood it helped me understand why they decided to be bold to venture to the U.S. and how it shaped the majority of their lives and of course my life too.
I had more empathy. I understood that their young lives (and mindsets) were very different from mine, a privileged American kid growing up safe in an isolated suburbia.
Concurrently, with this self-discovery journey of this history in China and early days of my existence in St. Louis, I then realized that no one was telling or trying to tell this here (or for others). So, in this same year of 2017, I reached out to friend and president of the Missouri Historical Society, Frances Levine, and questioned why the institution wasn’t researching and recording more about the rich Chinese American history and contributions in St. Louis. Her response was simple and immediate. They would commit to doing so.
The Chinese American Collecting Initiative was created, which I had the pleasure to give the kick-off presentation in 2021. Go to the Professional Work section of this website to learn about this Initiative.
BEING ASIAN AMERICAN
First, I am American and as American as anyone. I was born in the U.S. in 1957.
I was born in an era when my birth certificate identified me being born to “Yellow” parents.
My formal (birth) name is Peter Ke-Ping Tao.
I WAS NOT BORN YELLOW
As you figured out, I am of Chinese ancestry. Thus, a Chinese American and often labeled as an Asian American. This labeling will be covered in stories later, but is important to comprehend. Why can I not simply answer that I am an American? It is the ever present “Where are you from” thinking that some demographics aren’t or can’t be allowed to shake off.
I was born in St. Louis to immigrant parents who came to the U.S, separately, in 1947/1949 from war torn, mainland China. I go by Peter Tao, but my parents gave me a “Chinese” name, Ke-Ping. In traditional Chinese writing format, the Family name (Tao) goes first, with the given name (Ke-Ping) following, Thus, traditional Chinese naming format would present my name as Tao Ke-Ping. Chinese given names can represent a decade (or mark a generation) and in some cases the names may be expressing some parent’s vision or hope for their child. Seems like a lot of pressure to me.
In my case, in direct translation, my given name means
‘Ke’ = Overcome and ‘Ping’ = Level, Even, Peaceful.
As I was told by my parents, their spiritual translation, dare I say, hope for me was “To overcome the challenges/difficulties, while maintaining a level, peaceful sense of being.”
In some ways this does sum me up, though being brought up in a Western society, it has come with a good share of stress, anxiety and mental health ramifications. Like many Asian Americans, my life has been a journey of discovering who I am, constantly explaining who I am and where I am from and sometimes philosophically and physically defending who I am. This has led to having to overcome many challenges and difficulties, including “undiagnosed” mental health issues. My mother used to get upset when I cried and used the term “hate” when I was conveying some racial experiences in school. She told me hate was a very strong word and not to confuse it with ignorance and not liking or disagreeing with someone. This message still resonates today.
Hear my stories. Accept that they are mine.
Hopefully, I can provide some insights and provide you with some bit of information that will prompt you to contemplate and learn, so that you may respond,
“Oh, I never knew.”